“Were you there during the forum inauguration ceremony?” Juby sir asked me while I was having dinner couple of days back. “Yes, I was there in a silent mode” I replied smiling. “Oh, I expected you on stage. What happened?” he enquired. “I didn’t want to be there” I said. He didn’t persist as if he understood something and left the mess hall telling bye to me.
Whatever I’m going to write is just to inform people like Juby sir and all my dear friends who keep on asking me why I’m not participating in any of these so called ‘forum activities’. Since I’m a citizen of a free, democratic country, I strongly believe that I have the right and freedom to express myself. I love and respect that freedom and also love to express my opinions and comments no matter who hears or reads. After reading it, if anyone gets hurt on legs, hands, head or especially heart, I don’t have the responsibility to give first-aid to them.
A Broken Friendship.
In June, I with a bunch of my good friends decided to take part in Polestar business journalism award function at Taj Connemara. The friends who came along with me were Arun, Kiran, Karam, Avinash and Swaminathan. We were all excited about the function and attended it with sheer enthusiasm. One of my friends and college mate, Shraddha was one among the event coordinators of the function. So, that was also a very good opportunity to meet one of my old friends. She was very happy and surprised in seeing me and we had a chit chat.
After the function, drinks were arranged at the counter. But that was only for the businessmen and journalists and not for students like us. But we decided to have a few drinks. “Who knows we are students?” we thought. I told my friends that we will just take few drinks, have dinner and push off. Everyone agreed and we started. That was a cheerful night. We exchanged jokes and it was really a fun. Everyone drunk except Arun.
While I was taking drinks and having a nice conversation with Swaminathan, Kiran and Arun, I didn’t notice two persons were taking drinks more than what their belly could bear. Karam and Avinash. I smelled the trouble when Karam went and talked to one of the prominent personalities of the function.
“We can go for dinner, Swami” I told Swaminathan. We pushed off to have dinner. While I could see Karam by my side, I couldn’t see Avinash, Kiran and Aru
n. I had the dinner faster. Suddenly I saw Avinash taking some unknown person to the counter, where we had drinks. I couldn’t make out anything until Arun came running up to me and told: “Justin, I couldn’t handle Avinash alone. You please have dinner soon and take care of him” I finished off the dinner and ran searching for Avinash.
Finally I found him near to the counter standing like a ghost in some Malayalam horror movies- their legs won’t touch the ground. “Macha, just two more drinks and I will wrap up” Avinash requested in broken English. “Avinash, the counter is closed and now we are pushing off” I told him very seriously. He pushed me and tried to enter the counter. But he fell down on floor and I took him up.
While taking him outside, he again fell down near to the help desk and all the receptionists and other people gathered all around us. One person was watching all these drunken drama from a nearby corridor. It was Shraddha. I saw her but she neither come near to me nor attempted to make a move.
After a bit struggle I bought him outside the hotel and started waiting for other friends come out after dinner. Avinash started calling Auto rickshaw drivers who were parked in front of the hotel gate. I gestured at the drivers that he is drunk. They smiled and left. “Stand steady, don’t make a scene” I told Avinash angrily. “Call Swami!” he shouted. “I will slap you, Avinash. Take my words, I will slap you!” I was getting to the edge of my patience. He tried to stand steady. But he couldn’t.
I don’t know what made him to do that. I don’t know what the motive is. After few moments, he spat on my face. I thought of hitting at his face at that very moment. But I controlled myself. It was really hard to do that especially for a person like me. Just for friendship sake, I put a tight grip on my ego and forgave him.
Arun entered the scene. “I need to piss and wash my face. You just take care of Avinash” I told Arun and went inside the hotel again. When I entered the hotel, a familiar face was standing near to the reception. It was Shraddha. “I didn’t expect you and your friends to have dinner from here” she expressed her anger on our ‘free-show’ there. “Our lecturer told the dinner is arranged here for students” I replied in deep humiliation. I knew very well what she meant: it was not dinner but alcoholic drinks that students were forbidden to take from there. Since alcohol was controlling my brain that night, I was not much embarrassed by her remarks. But when I think about it now, I feel so ashamed.
When I came back from the hotel, everyone was outside waiting for me and we decided to go to the bus stand. Swaminathan and I took Avinash to the bus stand. According to Swaminathan’s plan, we all should go to his brother’s house (I forgot the place’s name) and leave to our hostels next day morning. I Okayed the plan with a half heart. I was so uncomfortable with Avinash but I push myself and decided to go with them.
Unexpectedly, a share auto came along the way and stopped near to the bus stand. Arun and Kiran decided to go to the hostel in that share-auto. When they got in, I got some second thoughts in my mind and I asked Swaminathan whether he and Karam could manage Avinash. He said yes and I too got into the share-auto.
After few minutes Swaminathan, Karam and Avinash got into the same share-auto. “Macha, when you said that you are leaving to hostel, it really hurt me” Swaminathan said to me. “Why?” I asked “you told me that you and Karam can handle Avinash. Do you think, is there is any point this entire drunken bunch going to your brother’s house and making a mess around there?” “I promise there won’t be any mess. But, Justin, you are the class representative and you can’t shy away from responsibilities” Swaminathan commented.
That comment not only made me irritated but also angry. “Only reason I got into the auto that you said you and Karam can handle Avinash. If you needed any help, you could have asked me.” I told Swaminathan. “You are the class representative and I thought you have common sense to understand the situations. I didn’t expect this from you.” he replied depressingly. I stopped talking to Swaminathan as I knew there was no point in talking. That night, Swaminathan, Karam and Avinash got down in the half way.
As far as Avinash’s case is concerned, I had enough. I took him outside the hotel alone without any help by becoming a prey of ridicule in front of everyone on the way. I got humiliated by one of my good friends and my old classmate, Shraddha. He spat on my face, hurting my ego. I’m neither Jesus nor Mahatma Gandhi. I had nothing more to do and Swaminathan’s criticism doesn’t make any sense to me even today.
Next day, the first voice call hit my mobile was Avinash’s. He apologized for whatever happened last night. “Macha, I’m sorry for whatever happened yesterday. I want to meet you and I’m in Selaiyur Hall” he told over phone. I love to talk and get everything settled through talks. I rushed to Selaiyur Hall. While Avinash talked very friendly towards me, Swaminathan preferred to keep mum. I was waiting for him to talk, but he didn’t. I smiled at him, shook hands with him and told: “Let’s forget whatever happened”. He just gave me back a wry smile. I don’t think I have the responsibility to open the closed mouths which never wanted to open.
I was like him. But that time I was too small. Maybe 8 or 9 years old. I took everything to my heart and hold it as if I’m taking revenge against someone. I never talked to someone who hurt me or done petty things to me. Now, at the age of 23, I know very well to cope up with my emotions. No one can hurt me without my permission. That ‘taking straight to heart’ strategy neither helps anyone nor places anyone in the places they deserve.
What I did…
I joined the Communication course very late. But I got acquainted soon with all the classmates and all became good friends of mine within a short span of time. During early days, I really thou
ght I’m getting back my lost college days which I had been missing for nearly one year owing to my arrears or backlog. I was really happy and got a feeling of belonging which too I was missing in myself. I became the class representative when Kamal, the previous class representative resigned. I didn’t have any intention to get into that post. I just took the initiative when no one came forward to take up that responsibility.
The biggest initiative from our batch was the departmental newsletter called Resonance (www.resonancethenewsletter.blogspot.com). The idea was Arun’s but I initiated it. With the help of all my classmates I brought out the first edition of our newsletter. Later we successfully published our second edition by the end of last academic year. All were enthusiastic and helpful.
More enthusiastic about newsletter was Remya Madam, the Head of the Department. I could, with the help of Remya madam; set up an ‘inauguration’ of Resonance and had easily positioned myself as the ‘Editor in Chief’. Instead of that I proposed to Remya Madam, an idea of changing the editorial team every month. So, everyone will get the benefit of getting their names published every month.
Honestly speaking, I love politics, manipulation, dominance and monopoly but to my mind, college is not an applicable arena for that. Street is the better place for that. College is just a place for friendship and fun. That is what I believe.
We had successfully organized the Christmas party last year. All were in high spirits those times. Those days were really very joyful. By the end of the last year we too organized well the farewell party for our seniors. That event too went well and everybody enjoyed and really had fun.
This year in the beginning, I have given idea to Sangeetha Madam to initiate a Discussion Club. Although, it didn’t work well because
of my absence owing to the Great Tibetan Marathon and as soon as I came back everyone got busy with college auditions, PR campaign compounded with ‘forum activities’.
I didn’t propose for any post of Literary and Debate Secratery for the Discussion Club. Moderators will be changed every week thus giving chances for everyone to participate and develop their skills.
What they are doing…
The main problem with the Forum christened as Scaena is that nobody asked for it. There is no need for it either. Okay. If all the media departments-Journalism, Visual Communication and Mass Communication- joins hands, it would make some sense. For a department which contains only 65 students, what is the point in having a Forum? It is as if shooting a mosquito with an AK-47 machine-gun. I don’t think a forum is needed for organizing a Christmas party or a farewell party. I heard they are planning a bunch of events this year. The availability of time is also another question.
Last year when we had organized events, there was no Forum. We had only committees. These committees gave responsibilities not positions. While positions make students idle, responsibilities make them restlessly do what they assigned to do. Anyone can volunteer to do whatever they wanted to do. There was no compulsion. At the end, everyone was satisfied since everyone had done their parts.
The case with Scaena is entirely different. In reality, one day a bunch of people stood up and told that we need a Forum, took all the positions and settled comfortably. I wasn’t there during the initiation of it but heard a lot about the hues and cries happened in connection with it. It disrupted the unity among the classmates and also brought unwanted regionalism into our class.
When my name was suggested for the General Secretary post, Swaminathan publicly told, “I don’t think, Justin deserves the post”. Commenting on a person who is not in the scene is a bad habit. Anyway, I don’t have any problem with the comment he made. He told a truth indeed. I don’t deserve that post! I deserve something better, I deserve something good and I strongly believe that I deserve the best. Again my backlog of two theory papers was
the only hindrance which made me ineligible for that position.
When I called Kiran from Tibet, he told about the initiation of a Forum in our department and I could get only an obscure image of what is going on in my class. He also added that since my name came up for the General Secretary post, there would be an election and the candidates would be Avinash and I. I said to him that let the election take place and face what happens. I was actually thrilled. But at the last moment, the forum became ‘official’ and owing to my backlog I couldn’t contest for the election. Eventually Avinash was elected unanimously.
I didn’t have any problem with that. When I came back after participating in the marathon, I was amazed to see that no one is in the class. Everyone was busy. At first I thought that all were planning to build an extra floor to the existing communication department building. Then I understood everyone was busy with the inauguration of Scaena and fresher’s party.
That’s good. I seriously doubt that the idea of creating a forum is evolved from the recent economic recession. Lot of jobless people are getting jobs nowadays because of it. I have also seen the forum letter pad which is the funniest letter pad I have ever seen in my life. Most of the space in the letter pad was given for the names and positions of the persons in the Forum and doesn’t have much space to put the content. That’s ridiculous.
Just few days before my departure to Tibet, we had a discussion for the plans and strategy for our Public Relations Campaign which will be kick started on August 12th 2009. I didn’t see anyone of the ‘big shots’ of the forum actively participating or giving out any good ideas. Let me exclude this one instance. Where were they last year? I didn’t find anyone taking any initiatives or even taking part in any activities. From where they got the new ambitions and the power to take initiatives? Are they waiting for their close friend Pragadeeshwaran to join as a lecturer in our department?
When Avinash called me to request my help and support for the Scaena just few days back before the inauguration, I told him that you can expect any help from me other than for the forum because I know the real motive behind it. He didn’t ask me why because he knows it very well too. Moreover, I don’t want to waste my time and energy for any unwanted activities.
Forum is just a gimmick of an individual or a group of individuals who are seriously suffering from very low self esteem. I can see it only as a cheap attempt of some people to outsmart an individual or individuals whom they think smarter than them. That’s why I called Scaena, a manipulated shitmug.
I know very well what a shitmug is all about because all through my life I have seen and experienced lot of them. I had put my hands, legs and even head into some of them. I usually learn from my mistakes. So now, I have well determined that I won’t get into any shitmugs henceforth in my life. I will try my level best to avoid them too.
I’m a supporter of good initiatives comes from clear minds. Personally I don’t hold any grudges towards the persons whom I have mentioned in this write up. Anyone can be my friends-rich or poor, skilled or unskilled, weak or strong-but for enemies I put certain standards. My definition of an enemy is: “a person or group of persons who threatens my life or my loved ones’ lives”. As far as the persons whom I have mentioned don’t meet those requirements, they are none other than my friends.